Monday, August 28, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
Monday, August 14, 2006
$ Abortion 'n' Ears [Fun]
This is a short story written by Dr Kishore Shah....he is a gynaecologist in Pune and a very gifted writer....enjoy this
extremely funny story--
My wife is an ENT Surgeon while I am a Gynaecologist. This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife.
I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient.
"Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. "Relax."
"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"
"Not at all."
The patient relaxed visibly. "You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at home, but failed."
I was shocked. "Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious complications."
"I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't budge."
I smiled and said, "If it were that easy, who would need doctors?"
She gave a cute smile and said, "Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin."
"Oh my God!"
"Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick."
My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering a word.
"Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?"
I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. I replied a bit angrily, "There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or you could use protection at night."
Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, "You mean to say that it happens only at night?"
I saw her point. "No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the mood, you should use protection."
She was even more confused, "It depends on my moods?"
Again I saw her point. "My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just happens."
"My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside."
"You mean that pin man?"
"Yeah!"
This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among the pins. "You were wise not to heed his advice."
"But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. However, that also did not work."
This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one.
"But have you taken your husband's permission?"
Now the patient looked confused. "Do I have to take my husband's permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able to meet for the last one year."
It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. "No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed."
"However, I did inform him on phone."
Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other aspects. "Its good that you came a bit early."
"Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work."
"Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a heartbeat."
The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, "You will bleed a bit, but only for a few days."
By now, the poor patient was trembling, "how-H-How much bleeding?"
"Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue only for a week or so."
By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, "Why don't you lie down on the examination table? Remove your clothes and relax."
This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.
Courtesy:
Amit Chouhan - Pune
extremely funny story--
My wife is an ENT Surgeon while I am a Gynaecologist. This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General Practitioner phoned me up and told me that she as sending a patient of hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with earwax for removal of the wax to my wife.
I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up with me. This is the conversation that I had with the patient.
"Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile. I always have a big smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. "Relax."
"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"
"Not at all."
The patient relaxed visibly. "You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at home, but failed."
I was shocked. "Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious complications."
"I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't budge."
I smiled and said, "If it were that easy, who would need doctors?"
She gave a cute smile and said, "Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin."
"Oh my God!"
"Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick."
My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering a word.
"Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?"
I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. I replied a bit angrily, "There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or you could use protection at night."
Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, "You mean to say that it happens only at night?"
I saw her point. "No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the mood, you should use protection."
She was even more confused, "It depends on my moods?"
Again I saw her point. "My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just happens."
"My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside."
"You mean that pin man?"
"Yeah!"
This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among the pins. "You were wise not to heed his advice."
"But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. However, that also did not work."
This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one.
"But have you taken your husband's permission?"
Now the patient looked confused. "Do I have to take my husband's permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai. We were not able to meet for the last one year."
It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. "No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed."
"However, I did inform him on phone."
Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know whether to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other aspects. "Its good that you came a bit early."
"Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work."
"Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a heartbeat."
The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a horror movie. Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said, "You will bleed a bit, but only for a few days."
By now, the poor patient was trembling, "how-H-How much bleeding?"
"Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue only for a week or so."
By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, "Why don't you lie down on the examination table? Remove your clothes and relax."
This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.
Courtesy:
Amit Chouhan - Pune
Monday, August 7, 2006
$ George Dantzig [Motivation]
Here's a story about George Dantzig - the famed mathematician who's contributions to Operations Research and systems engineering have made him immortal.
As a college student, George studied very hard and often late into the night. So late, that he overslept one morning, arriving 20 minutes late for Prof. Neyman's class. He quickly copied the two maths problems on the board, assuming they were the homework assignment. It took him several days to work through the two problems, but finally he had a breakthrough and dropped the homework on Neyman's desk the next day.
Six weeks later, on a Sunday morning, George was awakened at 6 a.m. by his excited professor. Since George was late for class, he hadn't heard the professor announce that the two unsolvable equations on the board were mathematical mind-teasers that even Einstein hadn't been able to answer. But George Dantzig, working without any thoughts of limitation, had solved not one, but two problems that had stumped mathematicians for thousands of years.
Simply put, George solved the problems because he didn't know he couldn't.
You are not limited to the life you now live. It has been accepted by you as the best you can do at this moment. Any time you're ready to go beyond the limitations currently in your life, you're capable of doing that by choosing different thoughts. All you must do is figure out how you can do it, not whether or not you can. And once you have made your mind up to do it, it's amazing how your mind begins to figure out how.
A person is limited only by the thoughts that he/she chooses.
Courtesy:
Rahul Gandhi - Pune
As a college student, George studied very hard and often late into the night. So late, that he overslept one morning, arriving 20 minutes late for Prof. Neyman's class. He quickly copied the two maths problems on the board, assuming they were the homework assignment. It took him several days to work through the two problems, but finally he had a breakthrough and dropped the homework on Neyman's desk the next day.
Six weeks later, on a Sunday morning, George was awakened at 6 a.m. by his excited professor. Since George was late for class, he hadn't heard the professor announce that the two unsolvable equations on the board were mathematical mind-teasers that even Einstein hadn't been able to answer. But George Dantzig, working without any thoughts of limitation, had solved not one, but two problems that had stumped mathematicians for thousands of years.
Simply put, George solved the problems because he didn't know he couldn't.
You are not limited to the life you now live. It has been accepted by you as the best you can do at this moment. Any time you're ready to go beyond the limitations currently in your life, you're capable of doing that by choosing different thoughts. All you must do is figure out how you can do it, not whether or not you can. And once you have made your mind up to do it, it's amazing how your mind begins to figure out how.
A person is limited only by the thoughts that he/she chooses.
Courtesy:
Rahul Gandhi - Pune
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